Anthony Bourdain is an inspiration.

I currently sit on my couch contemplating my decisions, my life, and my ambitions. No matter what path I ponder they all lead to the same end: I want to be Anthony Bourdain. Obviously I can't be Anthony Bourdain as he already exists, and I am lacking important body parts that would classify me as a man... All joking aside that man inspires me to do something with my quickly fading life.

I'm not exactly old, but I am turning 30 this year, and I have yet to do anything substantial with my life. I have plenty of ambitions, yes, but have I done anything? No. I want to change this so desperately, but I still find myself in the same situation year by year.

Why isn't it easier to pursue dreams? Why am I constantly plagued by fear of the uncertain?

Why do I do this to myself?

I guess i'm just afraid... I don't know why, but I am. I shouldn't be, but I am. I left my life in Los Angeles for a new adventure, and now it seems like I am more lost than I was before. The only thing I do know is that I would eventually like to live in France. But what? What can an American do in France? Of course I would love to pursue a career in Graphic Design, or maybe take some cooking classes, and I should learn French... but I feel like I don't have time to do all that at the same time all while keeping a full-time job.

All I know is that i'm done being afraid, and I long to live a life like Anthony's... one with No Reservations. I will get there, I will try to figure out what I should do... and I will learn French.

Here's to inspiration.

I am sitting here on my couch, and I'm feeling a little inspired. If you know me, you know that I tend to always feel inspired. Yet, if you really know me, you know I never really do much about it. As time progresses I find myself in constant regret, asking myself: Why don't you do something? The answer is always the same: insecurity, fear. I go through these bouts of inspiration, but yet, i'm still sitting here doing nothing. Regardless, I'm still feeling inspired.

This year will be a year of change. I'm at a weird place right now. I'm not entirely happy, but not in complete despair. It's almost as if i'm being prepped for something bigger, something greater. I don't know what that is, but I am anticipating it. All I know is that this year I will travel more. I'm not saying that I will hop on a plane and go to Europe (I wish I could), but I will go somewhere. Whether it be Phoenix, or Salt Lake... I will go somewhere new, as often as I possibly can. There's a lot to see out there, a lot of culture to experience, a lot of food to eat. Will someone go with me?

Does this entry make sense? I'm reading as I type, and no it doesn't. Not at all. But I don't have anything sensible to say. I am almost 30 years old, and i'm desperate to find my dream... but all I have is nonsensical inspiration. I guess this is what journals were made for. So that I have somewhere to go with this nonsense.

Speaking of nonsense, I have placed some order on this random blog of mine. One of the things I adore about livejournal is userpics. I have uploaded some new ones, and I will be using them according to the following:

LA - for whenever I talk about my family or going home. I am an LA girl after all.
LV - for when I talk about my current place of residence, or anything that involves it.
Paris - for anything not included in the above two.

I am so random, I know. I need to master the art of writing. I'm far from perfect, I will try to get better at grammar. I will try not to go off on tangents. We'll see how far I go.

I have nothing else to say. Please forgive the extreme ADD displayed in this entry.

- your aspiring Anthony Bourdain, Denise. :)

p.s. Happy birthday to my brother Christian, who does not read this.

I am going to Primm today. I will post some photos at some point tomorrow. I never have an opportunity to dress up, so I'm taking this time as a time go all out.

I need to be more active in my pursuit to be the female Anthony Bourdain. But yet, I can't be bothered to write consistently.

This will change... trust me, it will.

I am getting ready to leave for Los Angeles, it's my niece's birthday tomorrow, so a trip is in order.

I wanted to keep consistent, so I just thought I'd blog something really quick.

My phone was left at home all day today, which made my day at work miserable. It's sad how reliant I've become to that little device.

Oh well. I love cell phones.

With that, I bid you adieu.

I'll blog something tomorrow night.

Day 2 of February, and I have already failed my blogging assignment. I didn't publicly announce it because I knew that I would have problems being consistent. Yesterday my good friend Cesar came over. We hung out, went to the international market, picked up plenty of goodies, went to Cane's, made dessert, and then watched most of 'Giant'.

Let me just say something right now, right here: I'm not too sure I love Las Vegas. I'm not too sure I made the right decision in moving here. But I do know, that even though I'm slightly regretting the decision to move here, I am thankful for the new friendships I have made here. It has been tough, but thankfully I've met a few people who have helped the loneliness fade... even if it's only a little bit.

One of those people is Cesar. Even though he may not read this blog, I just want him to know how much I appreciate him. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel important, and he validates my dreams. Sure we are on different wave lengths most of the time, but he appreciates me, and I appreciate him. Last night was fun because of him.

Tonight I went to the movies with a few co-workers Dorothy and Karla, and my good friend and roommate Cassandra. It was really fun.

I have nothing insightful to say other than:
"If it isn't difficult to find, it's not worth finding."

I am worth finding.

I am going to start using livejournal again.

I'm going to try to post a little something every day, or at the very least, every week.

:)

only extreme boredom can cause this!!!


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